I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
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Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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