I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
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I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
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I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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