My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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