there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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