My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
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Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize