Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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