so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
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I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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