tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
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We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
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Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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