weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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