I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
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No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I am one with the molecules
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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