This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
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I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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