Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
