Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
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I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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