After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
