i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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