can we get nightvision for the apartment?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize