Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize