I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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