You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
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I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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