I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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