If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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