just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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