dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize