I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize