It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize