is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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