I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize