i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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