TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
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Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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