i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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