Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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