If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Everclear isn't food dammit
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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