The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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