It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
