my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
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you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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