I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize