WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize