Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
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Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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