I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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