There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
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Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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