Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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