He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
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Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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