Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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