i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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