my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
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Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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