Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
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Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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