My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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