just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
we should paint friendship bongs
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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