I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
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today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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