Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Vodka?
Forever.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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